Dear diary… Tuesday, April 23rd


Dear diary, I slept through most of yesterday and by the time Amaka returned home in the evening, I was feeling a little better. We talked through all the events of the past week and she really sympathized with me. Dozie was still distant. As a matter of fact, he turned off his phone shortly after I got back to Abuja. I called him to tell him I’d gotten in and in his stiff tone, he simply said “good. I’ll be turning off my phone now. The doctor said I need as much rest as I can get”. Like I wasn’t hurting enough, his words really pierced deeper into my heart. Amaka told me I needed a break and I would have to take one. I just shook my head. I’d probably get fired if I tried that. We had dinner and I retired early.

I woke up this morning with a splitting headache. It was as though a bunch of hammers were dancing azonto and alanta in my head all at once! My temperature was a little high but I convinced myself I could make it to the office. I took a warm bath and had Amaka drop me off as usual. She looked at me just before she drove off and said “you really look terrible. If anything happens, call me”. Amaka of life! She’s just the best. I walked into the office and my boss was in a sour mood. I sighed. I really did not have the strength for that. She asked about Dozie’s health more out of courtesy than genuine concern. I said he was getting better and just needed more rest. She then proceeded to outline all our activities for the day. Reports that had piled up in the last week that I needed to do. A meeting at 12pm at Hilton with some foreign stakeholders and I was expected to accompany her and take notes… When she was done she simply said, “better wake up, we have a lot to do and I do not tolerate laziness.” I wanted to cry. I had been having a terrible time the past week and nobody cared! Even Dozie was still distant. I sighed and went to my desk. We worked steadily through the day. I did the reports but even I knew they were poorly done because I was so tired and my boss complained endlessly about them. We went for the meeting, a rather boring one and I kept dozing off. She got tired of nudging me endlessly and eventually said to me in a sharp whisper “one more of that from you and I will smack you back to the present!” At that point I really couldn’t take it anymore. I opened my journal on my iPad and started writing this. It kept me awake long enough. The meeting finally ended at 3pm and I waited for her to go off on me on our way back to the office and she did not disappoint. She yelled at me, asking why I was embarrassing her and whether I did not love my job and how she was on the verge of firing me. I looked her in the eye and I said “I’m sorry ma. But you have no idea what I have been through. The last one week was really hectic for me and I have not been able to get enough sleep. I don’t even feel too well…” She did not let me finish before she rudely cut me off “then quit! If this is too much for you to handle, just quit!” At that point, I realized she had pushed me past breaking point. I kept quiet and the moment we got into the office, I packed up my stuff and walked out without saying a word to her. One of the Admin officers saw me walking out with tears in my eyes and he called me aside and asked what was wrong. I said nothing but he insisted and that was when the tears came flooding down. He took me to his office and I told him every single thing that had happened and he told me not to worry that everything would be alright. He promised to speak to my boss on my behalf and asked me to just go home, eat and rest. I stopped at a pharmacy to buy some anti-malaria drugs on my home. I got in not too long ago and decided to post this. At this point, I’m just broken. Still no word from Dozie all day. #sigh. It is well…

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