It took me a very long time but I finally understood this; expecting others to love and appreciate me when I neither love nor appreciate myself is simply a waste of time. You need to know this too and that’s why I’m bringing it your way.
A lot of people will never admit that they have self esteem issues but in reality, they really do. They keep wishing they were someone else and they never think they are good enough. Well I’ve got news for you. You have a lot of work to do. No two people are exactly alike, not even identical twins. I’m friends with a couple of those so I should know. We were all made differently, each person having their strengths, weakness and unique characteristics that are peculiar to them.
Have you ever done something and someone guessed that it was you, even without having to ask? It has happened to me a number of times. Several times, I’ve had my best friend say to me “I knew it was you, because you’re the only one that would do something like this!” At such times, I would just laugh. It’s not just me that has something peculiar to me, everyone does. But the issue with most of us is we fail to identify and celebrate our individuality. We rather keep struggling to be like someone else.
I wrote on branding a few weeks ago. In case you missed it, click here for the link. But what I’m talking about today is self discovery. I’m not necessarily talking about creating your brand, I’m talking about finding out who you really are and falling in love with that person. Ever wondered why people don’t really like you or never want to be around you? It could be because you don’t even want to be around yourself. You’re unsure of yourself, you lack confidence and you’re always seeking the approval of others. No one would want to be around someone like that.
You might say but I’m not pretty, I don’t have a perfect figure or I’m skinny for a guy and not muscular… These things don’t count. The physical appearance would matter little if a person has a great personality. My best friend of 11 years taught me that. For a long time, I had self esteem issues and she would always remind me that physical beauty didn’t matter much but inner beauty did. I learnt that from her and applied it. Today, I’m so in love with myself, no one can make me feel inadequate any more! My last piece on intimidation was so that people can understand that you need not feel small or inadequate around others. The only reason someone would intimidate you is if you do not know how much value you carry.
I had to discover myself. What are my hobbies? I love music, I love reading and writing, literature essentially. So how could I translate those to my strengths? I focused on my writing and people wanted to read what I wrote. I found common ground with people who were like me simply because I had discovered myself. I quit chasing others and I let them chase me! Friendship is not by force. If you love yourself and you exude positivity and confidence, people will be easily drawn to you.
I have a friend who is so in love with himself, it almost borders on being cocky but he really isn’t. He’s just someone who is sure of himself, knows what his strengths are and builds on them. Discover yourself and fall in love with yourself. It is a gradual process, but it can be done. If you love and celebrate yourself, you would find at least one or two people out there that would do same.
Being in love with yourself will give you peace. You will actually not need to be around others before you’re content. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it’s wrong to have friends or to hang around people. In fact, if you’re a sanguine like myself, you’ll love being around people. I’m merely saying, if you tie your peace, joy and contentment to people, then they will reserve the right to take it away whenever they feel like it. Discover yourself and love yourself for who you are. That way, your joy is yours to keep! 🙂
Allow me to introduce myself to you. My name is Ogechi, I write, I speak, I love to sing and dance. I love people and I’m absolutely in love with myself. Not just because I’m amazing, but because there’ll never be another me. Say same to yourself every morning, majoring on your strengths and dealing with your weaknesses. In no time, you’ll come to fall in love with yourself. And believe me when I say that is the most beautiful feeling ever!
Let me have your thoughts, questions and comments here. Or if you feel the need to contact me directly for additional help, send me a mail, firstname.lastname@example.org and I will be more than glad to help.