When the men retreat…

So I got quite an impressive feedback from my last post and I decided to share a bit more on that, this time dealing with specifics. In my last post, I talked about how to handle people who are hurting but not talking. In case you missed that, check here. Today, we’ll be looking at what to do when the men retreat.

This post is more for ladies in a relationship, or those with male best friends. I find the male “bestie” thingy to be pretty common these days. Anyways, let’s go on and see what we can get from this.

men retreat

First off, you must know this; most guys will not open up to you except they trust you and I’m talking about where their emotions are concerned. For women, it’s different. We’re mostly willing to talk as long as there’s someone willing to listen but guys don’t go yapping to just about any listening ear. It’s just the way they’re built. Guys are content with being the pillar of support and source of strength for the lady so they would hardly ever go emotional or appear weak particularly when things are not going so well with them. They want to stay strong and fix it, so you don’t think they are feeble and incapable of taking care of things.

If a guy were to open up to you as a lady concerning something that was going wrong with him, how would you handle it? If his emotions and the pressure of the situation were to overwhelm him and he showed the slightest bit of weakness, how would you react to that? Would you judge him weak and treat him in that light afterwards? Would you constantly remind him of that low point in his life? Or would you understand that he is human and try to help him get though it?

Guys hardly ever show signs of weakness, especially when things aren’t going right with them. What you might likely observe is a withdrawal. They are quieter than usual, less attentive and pretty distracted. At such times, it’s clear even from their countenance that something is wrong but when you ask, they would probably say, “oh nothing, don’t worry. I’ve just had a lot to do, that’s all.” Does that sound familiar?

Progress. Well, at that point, understand this; the chances of him sharing that burden with you are pretty slim. Especially if you are not in a position to lend practical assistance. It’s nothing personal, it’s just the way they are built. John Gray in his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” says that men only talk to fellow men about their problems only when they feel the other man has a solution to it.

So dear sister, if at some point you’re getting fewer texts, shorter calls and almost no visits, calm down a bit. If he’s distracted and keeps forgetting things you said, take it easy. It’s not necessarily because there’s a new girl in his life. It’s very likely that there’s some major issue he’s dealing with and he’s trying to figure it all out without worrying you. It could be financial, work related or even family related. However, his pride and well, ego too, keep him from reaching out to you. So before you hire a private investigator to hunt down and shoot on sight the new girl he’s seeing, you might want to find out how you can help ease whatever is weighing him down.


Here’s my candid advice. When you feel him withdrawing, don’t jump to conclusions. Just bear with him for a little while and then make gentle enquiries. Remind him how much you care about him and let him know that his silence is hurting you. Don’t go yelling, nagging, grumbling, complaining or accusing. Guys hate that, it’s not only selfish, it’s also pretty annoying! Be patient. It might not be your middle name but it’s a virtue that would earn you his affection and respect. Pamper him, pet him but don’t smother him, remember, he still needs to feel like that rock solid man that wouldn’t snap under pressure.

I’m not guaranteeing that when you have been all nice and patient he will share the problem with you. Although I’d say 90% of the time, he could but if he doesn’t, you have to just bear with him. Like I said, it’s not the men’s fault. It’s just the way they’re built. Although I can guarantee this; if you handle him right in his moment of crisis, over time you’ll earn his trust and when things go wrong, you will be the first to know. 🙂

Let me reiterate here that this would apply majorly to guys you’re emotionally connected to.

Sometime soon, I’ll write about paranoia and how that kills a lot of friendships/relationships but until then, keep this in mind. Your friends and loved ones are close to you for a reason. You take the wrong steps in their time of crisis and you could lose them forever.

There’s nothing a guy would appreciate more than a lady who is patient and understanding in his time of crisis. If he really means that much to you, then you have to be patient with him. Allow him exercise his ego a little bit, but please, stay with him in those tough moments. That’s one sure way he’ll come to value you. In the moment when the men retreat, think of something nice and encouraging to say and let them know that irrespective of stress or pressure, you still see them as your rock solid man and your feelings and respect for him have neither waned nor disappeared altogether. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but it is do-able. I know from experience 😉

In case you’re wondering about the women, don’t worry, I’ll put that up soon. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this. Your comments always encourage me so do send in your feedback and share with a friend. You have no idea who you’ll be helping just by sharing this. Have a fab week. Cheers! 🙂

Yours Always,



13 thoughts on “When the men retreat…

    • I did say I was going to do a piece on what guys ought to do when the lady retreats. But since you have asked, I’ll answer. patience is a virtue everyone needs to cultivate. It’s difficult but still, it’s important. Girls are emotional and complicated. If you rush them or try to be too forceful in making them talk you’ll only hurt them and cause them to resent you. Eventually they find solace in the arms of someone else who is patient. It’s just the way life works. People tend to drift more towards those that show concern, attention and affection not those who are impatient and quick-tempered


  1. Hehehe…You just leaked our closely guarded secret…I agree with this piece,dear…Nothing could be truer!…I mean,no guys wants a lady who would further compound his problems at difficult times…Lool…I’m off to share this with the ladies!


    • lool. Thanks dear. Indeed, no guy wants a lady that would further compound his problems! Well I had to share your secret so the ladies can learn and do better with you guys! 😀 thanks for reading, commenting and sharing. Cheers! 🙂


  2. Pingback: The Female Cacoon | inhisthoughts

  3. U have just bought my man more time with this piece. I planned to walk out of the relationship this week b4. But I wee stay a month longer & show concern (not like I haven’t been showing before) & hope he doesn’t shut me out of his worries again.


    • Oh wow. This really humbled me beyond telling. Glad you found the post relevant. And I hope too, that he doesn’t shut you out as well. But understand that he’s a man and it takes a lot for them to break away from the status quo. Ultimately the choice is yours


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