My friend was walking in through the door at the exact same time a guy was attempting to walk out. They were likely going to collide into each other but the guy did not hesitate, rather it was the girl who did. She held back and waited for him to go through before she walked in. When the guy was gone, she said “chivalry does not exist anymore.” I laughed and I told her the term in itself doesn’t exist anymore, it’s from the medieval ages but I did get the point she was trying to make. She asked me to write something on it, so here goes…
I’m sure a number of people would be asking what is chivalry? Some have never even heard the word before. Well like I did tell my friend, it’s a medieval term used way back in the days and the term as well as most of its virtues are currently extinct. Chivalry was essentially associated with knights; a word used to symbolize honour, courage, decency, responsibility, courtesy… Little wonder maidens of these days (both fair and otherwise😉 ) tend to seek “knights in shining armor.” I remember telling that to a close friend of mine a while back and he told me he didn’t know how to ride a horse.😀 oh well, back to the point, before we digress too much.
Common courtesy, that’s the point I’m trying to make and my reference is not just to the guys. But I’ll start with them. I’ve gone to places on different occasions with different guys and I have always watched in amusement how each of them treated me. A number of them would open the door and wait for me to go through while some would just open it and go in. Some would say “could you please pass the bottle of water?” while others would say “give me the bottle.” These things might sound funny or I might come off as being petty but the truth is the way you treat a lady is extremely important. Be polite, your choice of words are crucial. Ladies don’t like to be bossed around. Matter of fact, no one does. So use words like “please”, “may I?”, “thank you”…
Be respectful, she’s not Bingo, so don’t speak to her in the same tone that you would use to tell your dog “fetch!” I know someone who used to speak to me in that manner and of course I did not find it funny. Matter of fact, most times when he spoke to me in that tone, I did not do what he asked. Don’t bark orders at us, that’s the point I’m trying to make. Speak gently, ask nicely.
Here’s another thing that beats me. I don’t understand how some guys would go to a function and be seated comfortably while a lady stands beside them. What is more amusing is when I see some of the guys hustling to get the sit before the lady! And then most amusing of all is watching guys hustle for a bus alongside ladies… Well, for those of you who reside in Lagos, I’ll pardon you, there usually isn’t any other way out😀
Then, please, don’t raise your voice. Raising your voice at a lady (or at a man even,) is not in any way polite. Talk to her calmly and let her know you’re really mad but please, don’t raise your voice. I’m sure you’d like for our ears to always be functional when you’re speaking to us so please when we make you mad that one time, don’t even the score by making us deaf.
Most importantly, never hit a woman. Truthfully, some ladies can be provoking but you must resist them temptation to hit them. I think that hitting a woman depicts you as being a coward and lacking in self-control. She can’t hit back, she’s defenseless so what would you gain from hitting her? I’ve always told myself. The day a man, makes the mistake of raising his hand in an attempt to hit me, that will be the last he’ll see me. Note, I said attempt oh, plus I’m not even that troublesome so if you get mad enough to want to hit me, there’s probably something wrong with you. Ha.
Ladies will like this one. Guys, please, look out for your lady. Not all women are weak like they have generally been portrayed to be but it’s nice to know that you care enough to help keep them safe. If there’s danger ahead, look out for us. (Vex all you want but we’re talking about chivalry here! :p) If there’s a threat somewhere, get us out of harm’s way. If you hear a gunshot, don’t leave us behind and run, carry us if possible.
Yeah, I had a good laugh writing that last paragraph too, so back to serious business. The point I’m essentially trying to make is that you be nice. Treat us decently; that’s what honourable men do.
Well, I’ve talked too much on the men. To the ladies now.
Courtesy. If a guy is nice to you, never take him for granted. It’s funny how some ladies get too used to guys who treat them nice and then when they need something, rather than ask nicely, they demand for it. Guys don’t like being bossed around either. You want something? Ask nicely. Please, carry yourself with respect also. The way you walk and talk. It’s not polite to cuss and yell at the top of your voice and I’m certain guys do not appreciate that.
Be nice. Think of little things that would make him smile. Don’t just expect him to be the thoughtful one, be thoughtful yourself. You walk into his room and it’s a mess, help him fix it. Yes, you’re not the house girl, I know. But you expect him to hold the door of the car for you. Is he your valet? Or you want him to help you fix your flat tyre, is he your mechanic?
I had to ask a couple of friends to help with this and I’ll be sharing their thoughts here. It’s pretty rude to be texting on your phone when you’re out with a guy. Everyone’s time is precious to them and so I think if he’s spending his time with you, you should respect that and focus on the conversation rather than text idly away. And yes, if you have to go somewhere, either to use the bathroom or take a phone call or even wash your hands, excuse yourself. Don’t just get up and walk away.
Then if you’re gonna tell a guy to not do something, there better be a reason for it. Don’t just say, “don’t do this” or “don’t do that” especially if what they’re doing does not adversely affect you or them. That’s just silly. There are ladies who do that just so they can brag to their friends about how they can “handle” the men in their life. Truth is, as much as you don’t like to be controlled, men don’t like it either so don’t try to handle them, they’re not objects or animals, they’re human beings like you.
And when the men are polite to you, be appreciative, it’s not exactly a right. If he holds the door open for you, say thank you. If he goes out of his way to do something nice and thoughtful, appreciate him. Everyone loves to be complimented. If he pays you a compliment, return the favour.
On a general note, it’s really important to be nice and polite to every one we meet. It won’t cost you anything but I guarantee you, the benefits of courtesy are numerous. Lest I forget, old people deserve your courtesy too. Help them cross the road, give them your sit in the bus, help them carry their bags especially when the weight is clearly too much for them. Listen politely when they speak and try to be patient with them.
I hope you enjoyed this and noted every point made here. If you have something to add, by all means, please do! And if you do not agree with a point I made here, please feel free to say so. No one has a monopoly of knowledge after all. I look forward to your feedback, and be sure to share too!
So here’s to the knights and fair maidens! Enjoy the rest of the week and be courteous to everyone you meet.🙂