Thorns in the roses

I thought long and hard before deciding to write this and I hope you find it useful.
I’ve often heard people say that life is not a bed of roses. No offence to the person who came up with that quote, but they are wrong. Life could be a bed of roses; only a rose-bed with thorns. There’s no such thing as the perfect life, make no mistake about it, but you could have a beautiful life, one mixed with highs and lows, tears and laughter, joy and sorrow, happiness and pain. These things bring a balance to life and that beautiful balanced life is merely a bed of roses with some thorns in it and thorns in rose-beds are absolutely normal!
When dealing with people, it’s not always going to be all fun and interesting and everyone needs to know this. I attended a friend’s wedding last Saturday and I found myself discussing with some friends about how a lot of people pay so much attention to their weddings, but little of such to their marriage and so after a year, things become pretty crazy and both parties want out. Now that’s mostly because either one or both parties is not making the required efforts for the marriage to actually work. I’m not a marriage counsellor so I better stop digressing.
It’s always fun meeting new people, making new friends, getting to discover how much you and someone else could have in common… All that stuff is fun, in the beginning. I’ve heard popularly that opposites attract… Well, while this might not always be true, I do know of a few cases where it’s been proven. So you meet new people and it’s all fun at the beginning, especially if it’s the opposite sex. You keep up the friendship and maybe there’s an attraction and eventually you end up dating. Or you don’t end up dating but you’re still friends… I’m getting somewhere… The first few months of engaging in anything new are mostly exciting. Yes, mostly exciting. Lots of fun, ginger, adrenaline pumping and all of that and over time, things begin to go normal. You don’t talk as much or text as much… Everything just begins to seem boring. In the case of opposites that attract, the cute things that they did before that made you laugh don’t seem so cute anymore and you find yourself wishing that they were a little more like you and a little less than themselves… Does that sound familiar? Stay with me
In truth, as people become familiar with you and more comfortable around you, they relax and begin to become more and more like themselves. And then you probably begin to see things you never saw before, that’s reality hitting you. Little things now likely get on your nerves, you find yourself getting angry for the silliest of reasons and maybe your patience becomes really short. You probably begin to argue a lot and you don’t seem to care so much for keeping them around anymore and you’re probably thinking “I can’t do this anymore!”
Now get this, everyone can only be themselves and better! If they were just like you, there would be no balance to the world! You can’t keep wishing that your friends or partner were a little more like you because in truth, they will likely never be. You must first understand their person and accept them. The discovery is a gradual process and when that is on-going, you should then begin to ask yourself if having that person in your life is really worth it. Do they add to you more than they take from you? Oftentimes, we make the mistake of throwing the baby with the bath water. Oh they don’t call me as often as I’d want so I’ll just stop talking to them. And you forget that on those rare occasions when they actually do call, they give great advice and make every second of that conversation absolutely worth your time. Or looking at it from the other angle, they are more of a liability than they add value but you say you care about them so much and you still keep them around, frustrating yourself most of the time…
People are hardly ever easy to deal with and that’s the truth. Even the most unassuming and seemingly uncomplicated individuals have that part of them that is pretty annoying. So my point for today is this: no successful friendship or relationship ever just happens. You have to consciously work at it. Get to know that person and when the excitement dies, ask yourself if it’s really worth it having them around. If it is, then do all you can to keep them with you. I’ve had the most amazing friendships and relationships with the most unusual people. It seemed weird to some that I would be closely associated with some of the people in my inner circle but that’s just what it is and they have been more than a blessing in my life. I call them God’s best gifts to me. With them in it, my life actually does feel like a bed of roses. It looks beautiful and enviable to everyone on the outside, but it’s still got the thorns once in a while.
Life is essentially what you make of it. It could be a bed of roses and because it is real life and not a fairy tale, there’ll be thorns in it. Determine for yourself today to make your friendships and relationships work. But also bear in mind that it’s a two-way street. The other person has to be willing to make it work too. My inner circle has remained super close to me because we always made conscious efforts to keep our relationships even in the most difficult of situations! Don’t assume that things will magically work themselves out and you’ll have the best of friendships or relationships.
Remember this: NOTHING BEAUTIFUL OR TRULY VALUABLE EVER COMES EASY OR CHEAP. So determine to get past the thorns and enjoy the beauty of the roses!
Here’s to you and all the special people in your life, I hope you enjoy beautiful friendships and relationships like I mostly have. Cheers


12 thoughts on “Thorns in the roses

  1. Aha!my namesake has landed again!oh sure every meaningful relationship requires investment!feed it,water it and nurture it!and o yes its a two way street!weldone!


  2. Nice one swits…d only way all sorts of relationship work out is d conscious effort of both parties striving to make it n lookin past comparison!!


    • yeah. Looking past comparison! That’s one mistake a lot people make. Comparisons. Nothing is ever as it seems and no two people can ever be exactly the same so why bother making comparisons that will only serve to frustrate you? Thank you for your feedback dear. I truly appreciate. Cheers


  3. Hmmm, Oge goes again and steals my thoughts and delivers ever so succintly. :-). Should i be scared of you? LOL. I think it’s instructive that there’s just different people thinking and writing about ‘friendships’ and ‘relationships’ at the same time and with different perspectives.

    Very nice peice. I especially love the fact that you emphasized the nurturing process as a necessity to keep relationships fresh and relevant. I’d like to say that once we accept that we are yet evolving and growing, we make conscious effort to accommodate others as they grow and evolve. I’ve often said to my friends who somewhat idolize their dads or mums, that if they asked them and referenced the qualities they consider most amazing, they would realise their parents weren’t all that when they got married. Dad has evolved with mum’s nurturing as has mum with dad’s. The amazing man and woman of today is a product of nurturing and sustained investment in time and emotion even after the excitement could have faded.

    I’m hoping we can do same thing in our approach to relationships, consciously commit ourselves to the good, bad and ugly and get out of the ‘Ready to Wear’ lane. Nobody comes perfect and we cannot change people or make them act like we do. But we can nurture them to be the best they can be as we work on ourselves too. When we do that, we are able to make excuses for the failings and amplify their strengths. After all, love covers a multitude of sins.


    • looool. I’m sorry for stealing your thoughts again! 😀 but you shouldn’t be scared of me. I think we should just meet and rub minds together 😀 Wow! Let me just say your comment just made this work complete! The nurturing process is extremely important! I keep telling people. You don’t stop showing affections just because you don’t feel like it! If we run based on our feelings all the time, nothing about us would be consistent because sometimes you feel like it but sometimes you don’t! It’s why I said, be certain that the person is worth it and then decide to continually invest in them! You’re right about the point you made on parents! I remember going through a major heartbreak sometime last year and lamenting to my mum that all boys did not have sense. She merely laughed and said “all of them never have sense, your daddy didn’t at their age but in time, they grow…” Nobody comes ready made! No one ever comes just right or just perfect! Even if they appear so, in time, the flaws become evident. Like you rightly said, knowing and accepting that we’re evolving and growing ought to help us appreciate that others are too! And if you think that person is worth it, help them manage their weaknesses and build on their strengths! Love does cover a multitude of sins! Thank you so much for sharing this depth of knowledge! I’m definitely not taking this for granted! God bless you! 🙂 *hugs*


  4. Yeah, thorns and thistles are definitely found around very beautiful roses like the picture in this article buh then, if you concentrate on the thorns and thistles, you would never know or appreciate how beautiful the roses are. Point is, work at the roses and u might not really notice the thistles or they just might be the spice that make you remember how beautiful the rose is! Yougeecash, hope I’m making sense o!😁. More inspiration to your heart, ink to your pen and paper to your hands! God bless u!


    • Awww. Thanks sis! You made a lot of sense. Thank you so much! You’ve always been an encouragement. Yes, we must get beyond the thorns and thistles, deal with them and enjoy the roses. I appreciate you sis! 🙂


  5. Wow, this wife is a reservatory full of raw, undiluted wisdom waitin’ to be tapped out.
    Relationships, growth and process make the most controversial pieces but yet you have delivered (again) with power, pen skill and wits. Kudos…x5!!!


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