Most romantic act ever

– B, could we please go to Garki market after work today? I’ve got to make soup tonight. Mum’s coming to town.
– Okay, sure. As long as it doesn’t take too long.
– Thanks luv
I know how much guys hate markets. I really did not want to ask but I did not have much of a choice. It was the most convenient way to get the shopping done.
He shows up at my office at about 5:00pm looking really casual in a T-shirt and shorts. I get into the car and he drives off. The roads are heavy with traffic. Not surprising. It is rush hour and most people are in a hurry to get home. Certainly not favourable driving conditions. We get to the market alright and before our very eyes the main gate gets shut.
“Ahan, what’s going on?” I ask no one in particular
“I dunno. Let’s chill for a while and see if they’ll open it.”
I shrug and go back to chatting away on bbm.
After a while, he leaves the car, goes to make enquiries and returns a few minutes later. He puts the car in reverse and tries to fit the car into a parking space he found by the road. I’m not the driver, so I keep clicking away on my phone.
“Babe, you should be helping me, not be on your phone.” Irritation laced the edges of his voice and I quickly put the phone away. We park the car nicely, get out and walk into the market. We notice a bit of commotion going on as we walk towards the entrance. Men dressed in yellow and maroon simply say the market has closed and no one is to go in again.
I cannot believe it. I actually think it’s funny. And then I walk to the other gate and they say the same thing. I decide to use my “lady charm” and get one of the guys there to let me in.
“Oga, I’ve had a long day, please I just want to buy a few things and go home to cook. My mother’s coming to town abeg.”
He looks at me and smiles
“Ahh, aunty, I wish I could help you o. but my oga is inside there looking at us, if I let you in now, I will be in trouble.”
I smile back and continue
“But you will not be in trouble now. It’s only me, abeg. Just let me go inside and buy a few things. I’ll be out before you know it. I didn’t even know this market had a closing time. Look at me, I’m just coming from work, ehn oga? Abeg na.”
But Oga would not budge and I gradually become tired. I look behind me and “B” is no longer there. And I began thinking “why did I have to drag him here with me today? He’ll just vex now”
I’m about giving up on the “Oga at the gate” when the all too familiar ring tone “stereo heart” plays into my ear. I wonder why he’s calling me. Probably to get my attention, I assume. I look up but can’t see him so I answer.
“Babe, omo, I think I can jump this fence o”
The fatigue I’m experiencing disappears in a second. Say wha?????
I laughed tiredly still
“Baby, there’s no need, let’s go home.”
I’m walking towards where I left him and in seconds he comes into view.
“Babe, I’m serious. I really think I can. It won’t be a big deal”
I am tired. Too tired for this. He hangs up and we meet up with each other. He’s got to be kidding, I think.
“Babe, I’m serious. I really can. Look. No one is paying attention. Just tell me what you need.”
I laugh and lovingly place my arms around his waist.
“No baby, really, it’s not worth it. Let’s just go back to the car. Besides, I’ll need to see the things myself to know what quantity to buy.”
He’s still insisting on going in and eventually, he wriggles free from my grip and looks into my eyes. I look right back into his and what I see there shocks me. He’s not joking! He’s actually serious! That all too familiar twinkle is there! The one that tells me he’s up to some serious mischief and nothing I do can make him change his mind. Then I really begin to freak out!
“Baby no! No! No way! I won’t let you do that. You can’t! It’s crazy! You shouldn’t!”
He’s laughing all the while and he says “it’s really easy. Look, let me show you how easy.”
I think I’m going to pass out from fright. And I keep trying to dissuade him. We argue for a few more minutes and eventually, I reluctantly give him the money and my list. I’m still sceptical and I say
“What if they catch you?”
He laughs and says
“They won’t. If anyone starts pursuing, I’ll get lost in the market”
The two gates are about 150 metres apart. The “security men” to our right are totally oblivious to our presence but I fear that if he jumps in, one of them just might notice. The other group to the left keep glancing our way intermittently. I’m so frightened; I feel like I’m going to faint. There is a car and a pillar shielding us but only partly and I’m so scared that if he jumps, someone might actually notice.
I turn my back to him, I really can’t watch. Almost can’t breathe either. And in a few seconds, he neatly takes on the fence and lands softly on the other side, on both feet. I am literally seconds away from passing out. No kidding. I wait for someone to raise an alarm and for the chase to begin but nothing of the sort happens. Instead, the people at the first gate create a barricade, shutting in those who are still in the market. I begin to panic again. And then he calls
“I’m in. just text me the prices”
“Baby, they’re locking people in the market, maybe you should just come back”
“Ehn? Abegi! Let me see how they will lock everybody inside. I haven’t even gotten to where they sell foodstuff. Just text me the prices.”
I say ok and do like he has said.
I’m so giddy from the entire experience, I’m trying hard not to pass out and so I remind myself to breathe. I keep pacing the sidewalk and his calls keep coming in.
“Don’t you need tomato?
The onions look small. Maybe I should buy some more?”
I eventually lean my back on the very fence he leaped over and I’m thinking “what manner of love is this that a man drops every form of freshness and swagger to jump the fence and get me all I need to cook?”
He creeps up behind me and startles me. I jump and then he laughs. He’s got that really charming grin on his face and then he walks away towards the gate. A couple of people who notice us from within the market laugh. Maybe they think him startling me is cute but they have no idea!
He walks out of the market, blending into the crowd like the rest and no one will ever know he got in illegally… my hero! And then he says “see? How easy was that?!” I laugh and hug him really hard. To him, this was nothing but to me it is everything!
He takes me home and I hurriedly whip up his favourite meal. It’s the least I can do to say thank you. That to me, was the most romantic act ever…
Because he will walk into his office the following morning, clad in a suit and tie with neatly polished shoes and he will carry his mini laptop bag containing a mac and an iPad and no one will know he is the very same guy who jumped a fence only the previous night for his lady!
….the Hopeless Romantic


37 thoughts on “Most romantic act ever

  1. Mehn, I’m so getting me a pair of running shoes in case of similar eventualities; that guy kinda makes tough competition for would-be “toasters”. Upon hearing this, a supposed asking out to a date would be like “Well, just came to remind you of this month’s general meeting on friday…”, -there’s no way he could imagine competing against this let alone surpassing it! Savour your ‘Ifunanya’ moments gurl; the girl part of me is ‘jealousing’ you #Wink. 😉


  2. While the totally realistic part of me is screaming criminal(!), The part that read m n b for 6 years is going awwww…this is so sweet. Too sweet, like I’d say. And I still keep coming back to your blog. lol

    Nice story. On point.


    • Hmm Miss B. Don’t think that’s a good idea wo, na dis kind tin fit cause another civil war, you go fear when lekpa Yoogee turn to Blackbelt champion/gun-slinging femme fatale overnight. I woulda said alternately you fall for me, but I just happen to owe allegence to someone who hails from one of the ‘active’ Boko haram states of our beloved nation, wouldn’t want you to be a victim of customized terrorism on your person, hee hee. I would sincerely advice (even though I don’t happen to know you), that you grab a pole or other forms of support & gain your balance quickly to avoid ‘tales of emotion-driven wars’. Hee hee


  3. Pingback: Letter to B | yougeecash

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