Fresh Babes and the need for the Roasted Yam Bill

The first time I ever ate roasted yam, it was B’s idea. And I found that unusual. Here’s why. He’s the sophisticated kinda somebody. Cool, tush, fresh and formal. He eats with the standard fork and knife, unlike me that can eat anything with my hands. (Yes? Problem? I grew up in the north.) He mostly speaks clean fresh English, (I was stunned to hear him speak pidgin one day, then I got used to it.) I don’t think he even owns a pair of jeans (I’m ready to be tackled after you read this B. Hehe.) Anyways, you get the picture. He’s tush, I’m bush (But not all that bush o. Ehen.) Back to the point.
When he said lunch that day, I pictured a big or even medium sized restaurant, brightly lit, fully air-conditioned and with a smart-looking guard standing by the door to usher us in. (That was the sorta place we went to when we had our first lunch date.) So I was a little surprised when I found out that lunch was under a big umbrella, seated on a bench beside a make shift coal fire where yam and plantain were being roasted.
He promised me I would enjoy it and went ahead to “place our orders.” When the yam and fish came, I sat staring for a few seconds and I watched him rinse his hands and begin to eat. B was eating with his hands in public? My eyes found a way to stay in their sockets and I followed suit. One portion of the yam and I was smitten. The sauce was great, the yam nicely done and I think I licked my fingers at the end of it. So yes, roasted yam made perfect sense and after that day, I was hooked. A number of times, I went to his office and we had the yam together. Eventually, I located a “joint” close to my office and became a regular until my joint was shut down.
Now here’s the crux of the matter. A few weeks ago, the joint was re-opened but I was already hooked on indomie and egg, fried rice and chicken for lunch so I didn’t visit it. Then today, I’d stayed glued to my laptop for so long, nothing I was doing was making sense anymore so I decided to go for lunch. The roasted yam felt like a very good idea so I strolled to my joint. I got there, placed my order and milled around the “Producers” alongside other consumers waiting to be served.
I noticed a “fresh” babe seated a little way off, waiting for goodness alone knew what but I could not be bothered. Just as I was about to be served, “fresh babe” stood up and walked towards us.
“Where’s my yam?”
She spoke in this ajebo high pitched voice and I could not help but smile. Wetin ajebo dey find for our joint?
The girl serving told her to please be patient. Apparently she had forgotten about her and it wasn’t surprising. There were too many people standing around the serving point. “Fresh babe” walked back to her seat like a princess. Her seat turned out to be beside me. In a few minutes, her yam was brought to her served in a plate. I was eating my yam with relish and minding my own business when I heard her speak again.
“Please bring me a fork”
A fork? For wetin na? na spaghetti she wan chop? Shuo
I think the service girl looked surprised too but she went on to get the fork. Who eats roasted yam at a joint with a fork? I’ve never seen! The sweetness of the yam lies in being able to manipulate the yam in the sauce properly and corner the thing into your mouth. Then you chew happily, lick your fingers and know that it has gone down well. How can a fork do that for you?
When the girl returned with the fork, fresh babe asked
“Mimi, are you sure you washed this fork?”
Oluwa o! Kilode? Shebi she would not just carry the yam inside take away pack and go ni? Which one was the police interrogation na?
Mimi replied in the affirmative and walked away. I shook my head and continued eating my food but I was already writing the post in my head. I was so burnt! (not that burnt like that sha but burnt enough to write.) If B in all his tushness would eat roasted yam under the umbrella with his hands, who was this madam? Please! My joint is not for tush people to come and form biko!
Roasted yam is best enjoyed eaten with the ordinary hand. When you’re done eating, you wash your hands and leave the joint and we will not judge. The only time we would judge is when like “fresh babe” you walk into our joint and decide to act all superior.
Infact, I’d like to write a memo for the National Assembly to pass a bill banning forks in all such joints. Who’s with me?


30 thoughts on “Fresh Babes and the need for the Roasted Yam Bill

  1. Fascinating that you can conjure cool stories from simple daily life observations. However, I beg to differ on the issue being addressed here. Eating with cutlery in public is ethical and a healthier option than eating with hands. More so, some of these kind of “joints” don’t have servettes or wash-hand basin to clean you hands after eating leaving you uneasy and uncomfortable afterwards. In addition to this, most guys greet by handshake, so such fellow might have to do this with a roasted yam sauce stained hands when going back to the office.


    • Lool. I found this quite funnny. Well, there were serviettes, and water in a wash hand bowl and even liquid soap. The babe was just forming jor. Pssh. But I agree with you that most guys greet with handshakes and if the necessary equipment for cleansing and purifying the hands after the eating ritual are unavailable, then by all means stick to your cutlery. Thanks for your feedback! Cheers 🙂


  2. No b small tin,its ha type dt orders 4 water using straw 2 drink. Ma dear there r sum food dt u got 2 use ya hand which mkes it sweeter,finally,reduce ur intake of carbohydrates madam.kudos 2 dis piece.


  3. Ehen? What can fa? Am nt one of d ‘fresh babes’ o, bt I’d rather order takeaway pack dan eat roasted yam with my hand in d public, doesn’t seem right as a lady, wen its not ‘amala and ewedu soup’ where it demands my hand. B can find it easy too, no b guy en be? Abeg o, oge. U̶̲̥̅̊ sef try, its nt some high school thing that W̶̲̥̅ƹ eat ‘kos and dos’ wit our hand bhind d sink house! Trust me am nt with you.


    • lool. Wait o, doesn’t seem right as a lady? Hian. Anyway sha. So let me get this right. You’ll eat amala with your hands in public but not roasted yam? What’s the difference. Btw, now that u mentioned “kos and dos”, I really miss those! It’s been a while! Thanks for stopping by babe 🙂


  4. Hehehe can’t stop laffin wetin ajebo dey find for bole joint? It reminds me of my journey to d north and I decided to visit mai shayi wow it was a wonderful experience cos it was at night. The smoke, northerners teeth and all that gist that goes on while waiting for ur indomie to be prepared. Welldone Youngee u made me laff. Have a nice evening
    Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN


    • Lol. Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Good to know you also enjoyed your mai shayi experience in the north. 😀 Me sef no know wetin ajebo dey find for boli joint o! And it’s Yougee not Youngee. There’s no “n”. 😀 Thanks for stopping by jare. Another petition partner! 😀


  5. I’m soooo with you on that bill! Bribe me — with that roasted yam of course — and I’ll even sign twice.

    You should see the mirth-induced tears flowing from my eyes when a guy mumu decided to eat fufu and okro soup, all put together in a hollow plate, with fork. He so stressed himself cuz the fufu won’t wait to be gripped. He looked left and right and did the “proper thing” later though *holds laugh*

    Please tell them. Fork isn’t meant for all foods. Eating with the hand is what makes eba, fufu, pounded yam, amala…roasted yam sweet. #TeamFreehandManipulation *winks* Wash your hands with soap thereafter if the smell is your excuse.

    God bless you for this ma’am. I really have to cc a friend this. *whispers…* He can eat liquid pap with fork. 🙂


    • Looool. You’re hilarious! Liquid pap with fork? loool. Haba! Anyways, thanks for stopping by and joining the movement of #TeamFreeHandManipulation. lol. Maybe you’ll be our secretary for the petition signing. Lol


  6. Lol! I’m with you all the way. Ajebo should not come and spoil area for those of us that want to eat like the elder *wink* but that sauce they serve with the yam though! #pure bliss! 😀


  7. Really nice storytelling.

    Loved it. I know some people that cannot eat with their hands, in public or otherwise. LOL, they are not forming, unlike B, they just don’t have the ‘tush’ and ‘bush’ in one package. I have an uncle like that, he CANNOT eat with his hands, even in the inner recesses of his home. .

    But for the majority of us, we won’t let their tushness affect our ability to relish the beauty we have found in strange places such as roasted yam joints..

    Our stories are us…thanks for this.


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