Mother’s fix

I woke up this morning extremely cranky. I’d gotten home late last night, was unable to buy fuel and didn’t have light through the night. Between the stifling heat and the devious mosquitoes that threw a noisy party from dusk till dawn, I was unable to catch any sleep. And so this morning, I woke up like this- pissed off.

I left the house later than usual, thanks to my lack of sleep and I got stuck on Third Mainland Bridge for almost 2 hours. By the time I got to my office at 10am, I looked like a military recruit after her first day at camp.

There was so much to get done, I made myself a quick cup of coffee and sat down with my laptop. I needed to start dating again. Perhaps if there was some charming, sharp-witted young man to call and rant to, I would feel good faster than dealing with the rough start to my day alone. Maybe it was time to return Tayo’s calls and find out what the young man was really about. He was neither charming nor sharp-witted but there was just something about him.

I discarded the thought as soon as it came. I did not need a man to feel good or get through a tough morning. I just needed good old, classical music. I smiled to myself and opened up my Yanni playlist on my iTunes. I would start dating again soon, but for the right reasons.

I let the soft notes of Yanni’s Tribute caress my heart and as I listened, I made up my mind to call Tayo at lunch. He had been on my case for six weeks straight in spite of how standoffish I was and how busy he was. That was impressive.

Abba’s Mamma mia cut through my music rudely. My mum was calling. Uh-oh. I was meant to return her call yesterday. I completely forgot.

“Hi mum!”


Errr, what was that in her tone? Excitement or trouble?

With mum, sometimes it was hard to tell.

“Yes mummy, sorry I didn’t call you back yesterday. I got home late.”

“You worked again last night? Nkem-“

Oh boy…

“Mum, not this morning please. I’m really cranky and I’m trying to get some work done.”

“Ehn, relax. Every time, work, work. I have wonderful news for you.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Mum and I have been best friends for all of my 35 years of existence but dear Lord, the woman was a handful sometimes!

“Alright mum. What’s up?”

I could almost hear her squeal in excitement.

“Your daddy and I have found you a husband. His name is Charlie Odumegwu. He has paid your brideprice already. You need to come to Port Harcourt for Christmas so we fix a date. He’s a wonderful man!”

Wait, what?!

“Uh… mum, you’re kidding right?”

She had to be. Must be some really poor joke.

“No dear, I’m serious. Just come and marry. Do it for us biko nnem. We know you can. You will make a really wonderful wife. Just come home first.”

I stared at my phone aghast. I absolutely could not believe it!

I’m sorry, what century are we in again?!


26 thoughts on “Mother’s fix

  1. Laughing so hard I fell of the stool!!! We are in the 21st Century o, abi na 22nd sef. Hehehehehhe! Sorry Sis, I feel your pain o! Lols!!! Wow, Oge, this piece is beautifully penned, pls grace us with your presence more often biko…smiles..


  2. ROTFL!im finkin we r in d 6th century!no!4th century….wait was der eva a tym dat @ 35 ull b dashed to a man….yes,i call it dash bcos a phone call announcement of being a Mrs isn’t with a price-i fink it’s “bribe-price” instead!
    Goodwork “Simon-d smart one” always luvd ur write-ups….told u,u were d smartest of us…luv u loads hun….gud job!


  3. Oh my God
    Lmao. This had better be fiction and we are in the 21st century,* checks again* yeah 21st century. Lol your mum is funny & the odumegwu guy is funnier. This made me laugh was bored but trust me this story cured it.


  4. Its unfortunate dt we still have mothers dt work so much with age & not looking 4 d happiness of their children. We r actually n a selfish generation, its well. Oge dear its been a while nice post.


  5. Well, all you need is to shop for new parents! Lol..
    “New mum needed. Must possess the ability to respect me enough to find my own man. Must understand that I don’t need a man to be complete. Forward application to @ogewrites”


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