About a week ago, I was searching for something on my laptop when I came across a folder I had titled “DO NOT OPEN.” Obviously, I was curious and I opened it. When I saw the contents, my first reaction was to laugh. I laughed really long and hard. Then I caught myself and tried to stifle it. I was in the office.
The folder contained an old diary, lovey dovey pictures, love notes and poems I had written for someone I was in love with as at 2012. I read the poems and the notes; most I had written for him, one he had written for me. “10 things I love about my sweetheart.” It was all funny and cute.
Today, Facebook and my Timehop reminded me of a status update I shared this time three years ago and I simply smiled. I went back to the old diary just to confirm what I already knew the update was about and I was right. It was the day I’d gotten my heart broken. First, one and only ever major heartbreak. (I want to establish how significant this was. Lol.)
Let me explain a little bit. I was counting days to my convocation, in very high spirits having concluded my 4 year degree program. I was madly in love with the ‘best guy in the world’ and we had been making plans for our future after my graduation. And then we had “the talk” where I realized that I’d been in a relationship with myself for a little over a year and I had been in love with someone for 4 years who suddenly made a transition in his head from being in love with me to loving me like a friend. And I was crushed. Just like that. You don’t understand? I didn’t either!
My first reaction after we had ‘the talk’ that night was to be ‘brave.’ I’m laughing as I type this because that’s my signature coping mechanism. I said to myself: “no man is worth my tears. I won’t cry over this. I don’t feel hurt, I’m fine, it was nothing…” and so on and so forth. But it took me only a few hours to crumple into a heap of tears and mucus.
So what’s my point? My point is 3 years ago I was dealing with pain I could not comprehend. I hit rock bottom. No one knew what to do with me. Not my mum, not my siblings, not even my friends. My precious mother tried though. Made me travel a lot, gave me anything I requested for and what not but I didn’t think I would ever get over him.
Now, 3 years later, I can look back and laugh at my silliness and folly. I can look back and not feel hurt or bitterness or even a tug at my heart. I can read through journal entries and laugh and be grateful for an experience that helped shape me and teach me a lot about life.
The truth is, this made me realize a common truth we often forget. “This too shall pass.” It doesn’t matter what it is that you’re dealing with, grief, hurt, bitterness, owu, it will come and go. Life is in seasons and phases and nothing lasts forever.
Some weeks ago, one of my colleagues was driving to work and her back glass was smashed while in traffic and her bag stolen. The bag had her laptop, her purse and other valuables. You can imagine how depressing that was. She made it to the office and while we tried to console her, she simply said
“mehh. It’ll pass. I’m just looking forward to that time when this will only be a memory and I can laugh about it.”
That resonated deeply with me. Indeed we all handle issues differently but I told myself I was definitely going to try it out next time I was in a difficult place.
Two weeks ago, the girls and I decided to have a girls’ night out. Unfortunately for me, I forgot my friend’s bag in the front seat of the cab we took. It had her phone and her shoes. I wanted to slap myself. We spent like an hour brooding over the loss, trying to call the phone, hoping that the guy would return, but nothing of the sort happened. The mood was just awful but eventually, we decided to let it go and have a great night and that was exactly what happened. We felt bad for the loss. I felt terrible because I was responsible but the moment we accepted and made our peace with it, it became easy to enjoy the night.
I am learning every day that life will not always be kind to you. And in those moments of difficulty and uncertainty, it is also important that you have your support system. Honestly, no man is an island. And no matter how self-sufficient or self-reliant you are, you still need people. In my moments of chaos, I look up to the God of the Christian faith and then I turn to my inner circle- a few people who always know what’s going on with me- and I find the reminder I need- This too shall pass- as well as the courage to keep hope and faith alive.
So here’s my word of encouragement for you. Doesn’t matter what you’re dealing with or going through at this point, you will make it through. Just be brave, allow yourself go through that breaking process so you can come out refined, better, tougher, stronger. Nothing lasts forever. But while you’re in that process, let this be your watchword: “This too shall pass.”
Btw, the ex I earlier mentioned got married this year. And no, I did not feel angry or bitter. I didn’t feel like I’d lost out on anything. I even saw him a few times and we were nice and courteous to each other. Because life must go on. Heh.
Enjoy the rest of your week. Peace, grace and strength to you.
Ps. I haven’t forgotten about Damage Control. I’m working hard to ensure that when I return to the blog, I do not do not leave you guys hanging again.
Thank you for being here still.