Learning Obinna

It took you 2 weeks to say yes. Not that it mattered anyway. Because your heart said yes the very moment you bumped into him at the poetry event. It was interestingly ironic. The poem you had shared at the event had been about meeting a boy and his first words to you were “was that about me?”

It took you 2 months to have him in your childhood home, sitting at your dad’s birthday dinner and laughing with your siblings and brother-in-law like he had earned a spot there. It was slightly strange and thinking about it a few days later, you had written about how everything is changed.

It took him 2 months of being away from you to realize he never wanted to be away from you again if he could manage it. So you were completely stunned when he called you on an evening you had planned to work late, to say he had just landed Lagos. This was someone who supposedly had meetings lined up for the week. Thinking about it still leaves you dizzy. He spent all of 1 week before leaving again. Never mind that you were certain the trip had put a dent in his account and his work. Obinna did not care.

Obinna loves you differently from everyone else you have ever dated. And his different approach to loving you is something you have had to school yourself in. Because no one has ever really loved you this way. It is not just the seemingly effortless efforts he puts into loving you but also the entirety of his person. So for all of 6 months you have been learning Obinna. His lessons of love are communicated quite simply.

It’s in how he carries you at almost every opportunity he gets, simply because you once mentioned that you love being carried. Although he swears that is not the reason he carries you often. So from airport lounges to your home’s doorstep to the living room and even the bedroom. There’s always a lifting in waiting.

It’s in how he follows up with your tasks, patiently and consistently, remembering details and tracking you like a monitoring spirit. It’s a tad annoying sometimes but it is effective. Because you have been at your most productive with him.

It’s in how he has a practical solution to everything. From fixing a broken watch to helping you better plan your daily schedule, to managing weak links on your team, to helping with your writer’s block, to managing your varying moods. Obinna always knows what to say or do. And for the few occasions he’s in doubt, he asks “how can I help?”

It’s in how he communicates, quite expressly, seeking clarity where necessary and ensuring there are no communication gaps. Long phone calls every night, skype calls or face time every other day and whatsapp messages during the day as much as your schedules permit.

It’s in how he checks up on your family and close friends without a prompt from you. It’s now normal to have mum say “Obinna emailed me yesterday.” Or your older brother who is more like your twin say “Obinna and I were discussing this business idea last week.”

It’s in how he takes his time to cook for you. At least twice, he has had you chilling for an entire day while he cooked and catered to you. The first time it happened, you’d sworn you were dreaming but you weren’t. He’d gone to the market, come home, cooked and cleaned up your kitchen when he was done.

It’s in how he takes care of his personal hygiene. Obinna will not sleep if he hasn’t taken a shower. It made you a little nervous because water isn’t necessarily your best friend but you found it impressive regardless.

It’s in the way he pulls his nose when he’s not being completely honest about something and he doesn’t even notice it until you call him out.

It is in his ability to own his mistakes and personal failings. No excuses, only responsibility. It leaves you wondering if this is a real person or just something you have conjured from your imagination.

Perhaps the best thing about him would be his acceptance of your own struggles without judgment or malice. He knows you slipped up last week and although he got mad temporarily, he understood. So steadily, he is helping you let go of the past and build a very solid future on the foundation of honesty and transparency.

Obinna scares you with his near-perfect love for you. You sometimes feel unworthy even. But you are learning to accept him and all he offers, because always, he reminds you that perfect love casts out all fear.

It has been 6 interesting months of learning Obinna, and somewhere in your heart, a little voice assures you that there is forever more to go 🙂